Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Letters to and from Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Tim Jones

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!


Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you're ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.



That's what I thought you little bastard.


Monday, October 10, 2016

People you'll find on Facebook

This is a real-life story, based on life experience. =)
If you own Facebook account(s) you might be one of these people or you might know someone who is.

The Desperate Marketer is divided into two categories:
1. A person who creates a bunch of pages or groups, and then invited every one on their Facebook friends to Like or Join Group.
2. A person who started online business via their own Facebook account.

I have definitely seen this type of person before.

Category number one keeps posting statuses telling everyone, who Liked or Joined the pages and groups, to invite their friends too.

Category number two keeps adding random people into their friend list. Posting and re-posting the same photo albums, and statuses that keeps saying the same boring thing. When new friends were added they'll post on that person's wall that says, "Thanks for adding me. I'm running a business. Please visit my profile to view the photo albums. Thank you.".

The common thing about these two categories is that they are passionate about having as much coverage as possible. They will post the same boring status every half hour, making some frustrated at them.

Aaahhhh...! The Quiz Taker. This gives me flashbacks into the old days, the first time I created my Facebook account. If you read the headlines of the quizzes, I guarantee you that you'd want to take the quiz! Among the quizzes are:

What does your birth date mean?
What's your actual age?
What's the colour of your personality?
What college best suits you?
What age will you have your first baby?
What's your hidden talent?
Which type of music fits your personality?

I filled my Home and Wall with the quizzes' result. I never got tired of it - at the time. I finally stopped because I only got three people as my Facebook friend then, and I got lonely. Now, hardly anyone take quizzes anymore. =)

The Event Coordinator create event for almost everything! Their cat's birthdays, their half-birthdays, and in 2011, Fasting the entire month of Ramadhan and Hari Raya Puasa. 

The last two were really irrelevant. Don't get me wrong. Not that I'm saying people should not fast in the month of Ramadhan and celebrating Hari Raya Puasa. It's the fact that Ramadhan and Syawal will come, whether or not people clicked "I'm attending", "Maybe", or "No".

If you must create an event, please create something that people can realistically go. Like parties, graduations, dinners, weddings, a human being's birthdays, and stuff like that. Don't waste your time creating and inviting people to events that no one really interested in.

The Horrible Photo Tagger - I hate them! Usually they post and tag people's name to photos of gross elements, such as filthy toilet, lump of hair blocking the drain, feces, and other yucky stuff...

Other times, they post embarrassing pictures of you online! The one where you look like you just woke up; the one where you stand, sit or bend at an awkward angle; the one where your mouth is wide open because you're spooning food into your mouth or were yawning; and the list of candid pictures goes on...

The Infant Profile uses pictures of their child or niece or nephew or cute cousins. Yes, it's cute. But if you're going to use pictures of infants or toddlers, you should mind what you post in your profile. Please don't post anything that contains pornographic materials, don't swear at people with harsh words, and stuff like that. You had a child as your profile picture, please then, act maturely. People will wonder if you treat your child the same way you treat others.

The Passive Aggressor. This type of person is found all over Facebook. It's kind of funny actually, some of them. They use Facebook as a place to vent out their emotions. Usually feelings of anger, and sometimes anger and sadness combined together. They hold their feelings in so they will have something interesting to post as Facebook status later. 

Why I mentioned that they're funny...? Because they can be hypocritical sometimes. Sometimes, they'll post things like "Don't judge the book by it's cover", or "If you had something nasty to say about me, say it to my face!". But then, when they found something to be angry about, they post it in their Facebook status that really contradicts what they used to say before! They dare people to "say it straight to their face", but they don't really practice it in their daily life anyway.

The Rash is really like the rash! Almost stalker-like if you must. Whatever you post on Facebook, they will never fail to be the first person to Like and Comment on your posts - whether or not it is even remotely related to them! I've spotted this type of people before. They Like and Comment every single thing you post on Facebook - be it your status, your comments, your pictures, you name it! They will be there. It's suffocating to witness, let alone to experience.

Here's the kicker, The Filterless... They will update their Facebook status every five minutes that you find yourself thinking "What didn't I know about them??". They will post stuff like:

My clothes just ripped, and I don't know how it happened.
Picking my nose while waiting for my boyfriend/girlfriend. =)
P.E.R.I.O.D. This is my menstruation week! =(
My cat gives me the cold shoulder. He usually friendly, but now I wonder why he hates me.
I just saw this grandma tripped. It's soo hilarious! You should've seen her! I bet you'll laugh to her face too just like I did! Lol!
Guess where I am?? On a toilet seat, doing number twos...! Woohoo!

Usually their post is just plain uninteresting, mean, and gross! You feel like saying, "Why are you telling me this??", or "Do you seriously have to tell everyone that??".

Here's a thought: save those particulars somewhere nothing and nobody minds - like a diary, or you can just keep it all to yourself!

Well, there you go. These people, they're there... If you look closely, you'll never fail to find them!

Beautiful abandoned places

14th century moated Bodiam Castle near Robertsbridge, East Sussex, England

15th century Monastery, Black Forest, Germany

76-foot sunken Brazilian yacht, off the coast of Antartica

1984 Winter Olympics bobsleigh track in Sarajevo

Abandoned city of Keelung, Taiwan

Abandoned distillery, Barbados

Abandoned mill from 1866 in Sorrento, Italy

Angkor Wat, Cambodia

Christ of the Abyss, San Fruttuoso, Italy

Cooling tower of an abandoned power plant, Utrecht, Netherlands

Craco, Italy

Dome houses, Southwest Florida

El Hotel del Salto, Columbia

Fishing Hut in Lake of Berchtesgaden National Park, Germany

Holland Island, Chesapeake Bay, in Dorchester County, Maryland, West of Salisbury

House of Bulgarian Communist Party

Kalavatin Durg near Panvel, India

Kolmanskop, Namib Desert, Southern Namibia

Lawndale Theater of North Lawndale, Chicago, IL

Michigan Central Station, Detroit

Nara Dreamland, Japan

North Brother Island near New York City, New York

Pripyat, Ukraine, within the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone

Russian military rocket factory

SS Ayrfield, Homebush Bay, Australia

The Kerry Way walking path between Sneem and Kenmare in Ireland

The Maunsell Sea Forts, England

The remains of the Pegasus in McMurdo Sound, Antartica

Wonderland Amusement Park outside Beijing, China

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Forget him

Forget his name.

Forget his face.

Forget his kiss.

Forget his warm embrace.

Forget the love that you once knew.

Remember he has someone new.

Forget him when they played your song.

Remember when you cried all night long.

Forget how close you once were.

Remember that he has chosen her.

Forget you memorised his walk.

Forget the way he used to talk.

Forget the things he used to say.

Remember he has gone away.

Forget his laugh, forget his grin.

Forget the dimples on his chin.

Forget the way he held you tight.

Remember he's with her tonight.

Forget the time that went so fast.

Forget the love that moved, it's past.

Forget he said he'd leave you never.

Remember he's gone forever.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016